Nussle’s Vision for Iowa
Just thought I’d post an entry (edited a bit) from the Iowa Underground forums.
Nussle is apparently being supported by a new conservative 527 named the Iowa Leadership Council. Last year the group received large contributions from LoanMax, RJ Reynolds, and Anheuser-Busch. Hmmm, Liquor stores, tobacco shops, and payday loans? Throw in a few raunchy strip clubs and you’re in East Dubuque. That sounds like just the type of development plan Iowa needs. Gives me an idea for a spoof campaign ad next fall.
A guy like Champ Kind from Anchorman is walking down the street saying “You know, I really like this guy Nussle. I think he’d make a damn fine governor for Iowa. Excuse me for a moment.”
Champ walks into a payday loan shop and gets a $200 loan with 30 percent interest. As Champ walks out he says “Heh, heh, money in the pocket. You gotta love that.”
As he’s walking down the street he starts up again “Anyway, like I was saying, Nussle’s a great guy. He’s looking out for regular folks like me. Hold on a minute, I gotta get a pack of smokes.”
Champ walks into a tobacco shop and buys a carton of Camels. As he’s walking out of the store he pulls out a pack, unwraps it, takes out a cig, and lights it. Long drag and look of relaxed ecstasy on his face. “Oh, man I needed that. Whew.”
As he continues down the street he asks “Now what was I saying? Oh, yeah, Nussle … Could you excuse me for just another sec? Thanks.” Champ walks into a liquor store and buys a six-pack of Budweiser. As he’s walking out he guzzles a beer, grimaces, and screams “WHOOOO! Oh, yeah!”
Champ starts walking down the street again. “Oh, yeah, I was telling you bout Nussle, wasn’t I? Well, the thing about Nussle is that he understands what this state is all about. He’s got a vision for Iowa…” Champ’s eyes get wide and his mouth drops open as he look up. “Holy crap! Amber’s back in town! Yeeee-aaa-hhh-h-h” Champ runs into a strip club with a sign outside the door stating “She’s Baaa-aaack! Amber Delight! This week only!”
Fade out and back in. It’s dark, middle of night. Champ is thrown out of the strip club on his ass. He stumbles to his feet. His nose is bloody. “Those mother—hey, yer still here.” He’s slurring his words, drunk as hell. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nussle, right? Look, ya got a few bucks on ya? I’ll pay ya back nest week. Really. Come on, man. COME ON! Screw you! There’ll be a 24-hour check cashing place here soon nuff.” Champ starts to stumble off then doubles over and pukes on his shoes.
Fade out. Words on screen: If you’d like to know more about Nussle’s vision for Iowa please contact his campaign donors: LoanMax, RJ Reynolds, and Anheuser-Busch.
(Check out the thread here: Conservatives Form Iowa 527)
—loquacious
January 19th, 2006 at 3:02 pm
Ha ha. Excellent idea, Loq. Seriously, you should consider e-mailing the Democratic campaign staffs and see if they decide to make hay out of it. If Dems want to start competing with the Swiftboatization of our candidates – we’re going to have to start playing hardball. Of course – all this prospective ad would be pointing out is elements of Nussle’s actual record – as opposed to simply fabricating shit for the sake of a good smear ala the GOP - so there can be qualititative differences as to how our side goes about bringing these #$%@^&*’s down. Well done.
January 19th, 2006 at 3:17 pm
Thanks, tri. Maybe I will send it to the Dems. Couldn’t hurt. But I doubt they’d want to touch that one. Maybe a Dem-leaning 527 would, though. On the other hand, I doubt the Iowa TV stations would ever air a commercial like that. Still, just throwing the idea toward the Democrats could give them some ideas about how they could expose Nussle’s relationships with unattractive corporate supporters.
January 19th, 2006 at 3:40 pm
This reminds me of MoveOn’s filmmaker competition during the 2004 campaign season. There were actually some very short and slick political ads put together by people like you and me. Hmmm.